I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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