My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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