i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
