Walk of Shame. In a state park.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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