Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i drank out of a bidet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
