I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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