Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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