If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
