We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
