Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
