I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
