nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
