God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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