hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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