omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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