apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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