i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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