we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He shit in the fireplace
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
