her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
