very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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