Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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