Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
