Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
