its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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