It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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