I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize