so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
