Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
