My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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