party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
