cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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