I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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