Jerry, you need to find god
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
