ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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