I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
