dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
