The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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