Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
