there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
