there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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