I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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