debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
