i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
