yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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