Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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