First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
