i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
