considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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