You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize