I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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