If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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