Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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