I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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