she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
