do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
