This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
