Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
