My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
