Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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