i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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