Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
