So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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