his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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