playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
