Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
