then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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