she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
