I want you more than these girls want KFC
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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