Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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