You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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