Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
