That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
