Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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