He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm like, not good at living.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
