I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
