You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
