somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
