between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
