I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
