Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
