I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
