Please, let me fuck your mom
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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