I think I died a long time ago.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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