I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
