I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
