mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
