I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize