What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
