And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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