i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
