Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I supernannyed him into submission
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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