Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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