I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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