Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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