So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize