just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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