You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
