Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize