If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
