You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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