And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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