he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
