We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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