Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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