Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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