had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
