I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
