He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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