I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
