Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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