shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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