Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
