i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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