My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
