Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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