i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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