How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
