Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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