I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
