we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
