pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
