you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
