If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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