I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
