Nicole vs. Life
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
