I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
