Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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