Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
