Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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