Apparently you make a good broom.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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